This time of unanswered questions, filled with a
roller-coaster of emotions moving from full-on hope to full-on despair, to
sleepless nights and worried days has found me looking back throughout my life.
I hope you will allow me to share some personal stories this week. You have
your own and I hope you have opportunities to share them.
None of us gets
through this life without suffering and loss, without challenges and grief, and
most importantly, without joy and blessings. The joy and blessings in my life
far, far outweigh any of the tragic circumstances, but as is His way, God brought
me closer to Him through the uncertain times. I hope He has done the same for
you.
My dad died in his
sleep when I was fourteen. A year earlier my brother tried to commit suicide
(more about him later this week) and my cousin was killed in a car accident
shortly after he returned from Vietnam.
My idyllic childhood was brought to a crashing halt as I experienced my
first bouts with anxiety, and realized there are times in life when we have
absolutely no control.
Luckily, I had the
best mom in the world. She and I became dependent on one another, she as my
safe harbor, me, a reason for her to go on. The year I became engaged (at the
ripe old age of 31) I was diagnosed with the eye disease that would lead to
legal blindness and my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 uterine cancer. As she
was getting close to death just a couple weeks before our wedding, she insisted
we go through with the ceremony. Nip and I went to visit her between the wedding and
reception in our wedding clothes and I was able to say goodbye. She waited
until the next morning (she did it for me) and we planned a funeral and
cancelled our honeymoon.
Yes, tragic, but
God had provided a safe place for me with my mom and now, He had given me the
perfect partner in life, one who never blinked an eye with my diagnosis and
helped me through the deep grief of losing my mom. This was a time of great
searching on my part, a time of endless writing and seeking God. And I found
Him.
Throughout the
years, there has been a house fire and my husband suffered a stroke. Both made
us stronger as a family and as a couple. But the feelings and emotions suffered
throughout these times, came back to me as we worry about our sweet Gavin. All
of us have gone down roads in our imaginations that do no good. All of us have
lain awake in deep fear and dread. Our human nature takes us away from living
in the moment, to fearing the future. So today, I want you to give yourself a
break. If you are in a difficult and dark time, let God hold you. He
understands when you are too numb to pray, when you cry out when you don’t get
an immediate answer. Lean on your friends and family to pray for you. You will
feel it, just as we do now.
And God? He is
still there. He will lead you out. His timing will be perfect, just as His will
and purposes are always good. On an unfamiliar and scary path? Listen to His
words for you today.
I will lead the blind by ways they have not known,
along unfamiliar paths I will guide them. I will turn the darkness into light
before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do. I
will not forsake them. Isaiah 42:16
And we know that in all things, God works for the
good of those who love Him and have been called according to His purpose. Romans 8;28
No, in all these things we are more than
conquerors through Him who loved us. Romans 8;17
Dear Jesus,
Give us hope and comfort through the dark times. Turn the
darkness into light before us and turn our lives back to You. Shine Your glory
through each event in life, through blessings and worry, through joy and
despair. You will guide us on the unfamiliar paths and not forsake us.
Amen
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