Pain and Promise/1987 That Year

     There was a year. A year filled with life’s greatest blessings and life’s greatest pain. A year filled with deep grief and boundless joy. A year of roller-coaster emotions. A few months after my engagement to my wonderful husband, my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 uterine cancer and I was diagnosed with a debilitating, degenerative eye disease called retinitis pigmentosa.

     It was difficult to navigate that year with its ups and downs. Great joy, deep sorrow and dread. I gave my soon-to-be husband, Nip, a choice. He certainly did not have to move forward with a wife who may become blind in the years to come.

     This wonderful, giving man chose to stay.  

     That particular year, more than any other, gave me a deep understanding of the ways in which God works, although I didn’t recognize most of it until much later.

     As mom grew ever weaker in the weeks leading up to the wedding, she insisted we stick to our plans. She said she would be there with us in spirit and would picture us taking our vows. Our visit to her hospital bed between the wedding and the reception was such a bitter-sweet time.

     The morning after our wedding, she died. Such sorrow. Such blessing. Such turmoil.

     The tears still flow as I think about that time. My brand-new husband had a grieving wife. Rather than our planned honeymoon, we planned a funeral. As I mentioned yesterday, I was dependent in so many ways on my mom. The loss of her in my life was astronomical. The grief was deep and long and wide and Nip stood by my side, day after day, often not quite sure what to do with me. (He’s still not quite sure.)

     As we walk through grief over the loss of someone so close, God brings us comfort and peace. He offers hope through others, and through His Word and through His presence. His promises are steadfast and real.

     That year remains a reminder of the time I ran to God in a real way for the first time. And He met me, on the road of suffering, and led me out, to higher ground. Believe in Him and His ways and He will lift you back up, too.

He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire. He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. Psalm 40:2

Father,

These times of deep sorrow teach us so much with You by our side. We grow in our understanding of the pain of others. You use our experiences to comfort. Show us who needs You today. Help us to find steady ground once again.

In Jesus name,

Amen