My life as a writer is viewed as curious by many. Lost in
fictional characters, deep thinking and quiet days makes me, to the casual
observer, melancholy and isolated. Most of my family and friends are out there,
in the real world, on the outside, their lives filled with details and noise.
My husband says,
“You think too much.”
It’s true. My eccentric ways can be
annoying. In the middle of a conversation a stray thought takes flight,
traveling an unexplored path to a destination unknown. I blurt out a
nonsensical remark.
“Where are you? Weren’t we just talking
about dad’s birthday party?”
my husband asks.
How do I explain? This chaotic mind is
derailed at the slightest nudge. Forgotten missions left behind include open
cupboard doors, light switches left in the “on” position, and delayed meals. It
is certainly a challenge for my logical, left-brained husband, not to mention
my two adolescent daughters.
“Mom! I explained all of this yesterday!
Why don’t you ever hear what I am saying? Ugh!”
Today, this rambling mind is going out. My
mother-in-law is in last stages of real Alzheimer’s disease, not the type my
family accuses me of having.
My brother, twenty-two years my senior, is
in the last stages of a neurological disease that began in his toes. It has
continued in upward motion until it now affects his speaking and swallowing.
I imagine the two of them joined, mind and
body, to make one whole human being.
So today is a day for the real world.
Today is a day for visiting the nursing homes.
My body is restless, another consequence
of the writer’s life. I go for a long walk and think about the day. As I return
home, I drop to my knees in helplessness and hopelessness, wondering what to
say to them. How can I help? How can we cope?
There are no answers and I leave the
questions with the one of my heart, Jesus. As I repeat His name over and over
in praise, He answers my hopelessness with a resurrected heart. Body, mind and
spirit are rejuvenated. I move out into the world with renewed energy and an
eternal perspective beckoning hope.
I read comforting Scripture from the book
of Psalms to my mother-in-law. It calms both of us. Suddenly she says, “You are
so beautiful.” It brings tears to my eyes. Other days, most days, she is filled
with unrest and anxiety. I don’t believe she knows who I am, but I believe the
Holy Spirit within both of us connects. It is a rare moment to treasure from
one rabling mind to another.
As I leave her side, I feel blessed. God
can transform a situation in miraculous and unexpected ways. And I move on to
my next stop.
As I rub the good hand of my brother on
his frozen and rigid body, I remember his born-again moment two years ago. My
brother, Jim, has lived with depression for much of his life. He could not
imagine a loving God in that dark world of his. But, as God often does, He
brought a glimmer of light into the darkest of places, at just the right time
As Jim’s body began to wear out, the right
people appeared. There was the motorcycle-riding chaplain visiting the nursing
home. He and Jim clicked. An old friend, motoring down the avenue in her
wheelchair, came to see him with a Bible in her hand. There were the hymns sung
on Sunday mornings. The hymns of old made him cry the tears that had never been
shed.
On a beautiful fall day, about two years
ago, on his wife’s birthday, he met us with the incredible words, “ I have met
Jesus. I am born again.”
For these last two years, he has a peace and
calm and humor about him not found in most of us. He is content and I marvel at
the wonder and awe of this God of ours. And these restless bodies connect. I am
grateful.
Through His Spirit I am redeemed and
resurrected. And so are they. So are they.
Jesus knows the way through all of the
suffering in this short life. Rambling
minds, both real and imagined, restless bodies aching for relief, become His as
we are resurrected with Him now and eternally. One day with open minds and
healed bodies we will see clearly, as His resurrection becomes ours forever.
However, as it is written,
“What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has
conceived”-the things God has prepared for those who love him.
1 Corinthians 2:9 (NIV)
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